A lapel badge for HMNZS Canterbury has been made and is for sale. $12.00 each incl P&P within NZ. They are made by the same company that did the Endeavour and Royalist badges and the quality can be vouched for.

Badges may be ordered from former WOWTR Banjo Patterson at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

Please make you cheques payable to R. Patterson.

Send to:   4/86 Divich Avenue, Te Atatu South, Auckland 0610.

I'm over 65 and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down terrorists. (You can't be older than 35 to join the military.)

They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18- year- olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

  For Starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.

Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky sailor is a dangerous sailor. If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back hurts! I'm hungry! Where's the remote?"

  An 18- year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at least old enough to drink. The average old guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer, and a jaunt through the desert heat with a beer and an M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly. (note there are 24 hours in a day and 24 bottles in a case .... another convenient way to measure time!)

An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m.

Old guys always get up early to pee.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns.

We like them almost better than naps.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Chief G.I. now, "Get down and give me ...er ... one."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

  An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to carry on a conversation, and to wear pants without the top of his butt crack showing and his shorts sticking out. He hasn't figured out that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 400-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda can rupture an eardrum, and that a baseball cap has a brim to shade eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked the USA on September 11, or Bali twice 12th October 2002 and 2nd October 2005, or London Underground 7th July 2005. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.

Share this page with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so you can read it. 

This poem was written by a US Marine, stationed in Okinawa Japan in 2000.

The following is his request, I think it is reasonable...

"PLEASE some credit is due to ALL Service Men and Women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.

'Twas The Night Before Christmas, He Lived All Alone, In A One Bedroom House made Of Plaster And Stone. Had Come Down The Chimney with Presents To Give, And To See Who in This Home Did Live. 

  Looked All About, Strange Sight I Did See, No Tinsel, No Presents, Not Even A Tree. No Stocking By Mantle, Just Boots Filled With Sand, On The Wall Hung Pictures Of Far Distant Lands.

With Medals And Badges, Awards Of All Kinds, A Sober Thought Came Through My Mind. Or This House Was Different, It Was Dark And Dreary, I Found The Home Of a Soldier, Once I could See Clearly.

The Soldier Lay Sleeping, Silent, Alone, Curled Up On The Floor In This One Bedroom Home. The Face Was So Gentle, The Room In Such Disorder, Not How I Pictured A United States Soldier.

Was This The Hero Of Whom I'd Just Read? Curled Up On A Poncho, The Floor For A Bed? I Realized The Families That I Saw This Night, Owed Their Lives To These Soldiers Who Were Willing To Fight.

Soon Round The World, The Children Would Play, And Grownups Would Celebrate A Bright Christmas Day.  They All Enjoyed Freedom Each Month Of The Year, Because Of The Soldiers, Like The One Lying Here.

I Couldn't Help Wonder How Many Lay Alone, On A Cold Christmas Eve In A Land Far From Home.  The Very Thought Brought A Tear To My Eye, I dropped To My Knees And Started To Cry.

The Soldier Awakened And I Heard A Rough Voice. "Santa Don't Cry, This Is My Choice; I fight For Freedom, I don't Ask For More, My Life Is My God, My Country, My Corps."

The Soldier Rolled Over And Drifted To Sleep, I Couldn't Control It, I Continued To Weep. I kept Watch For Hours, So Silent And Still And We Both Shivered From The Cold Night's Chill.

I Didn't Want To Leave On That Cold, Dark, Night, This Guardian Of Honour So Willing To Fight. Then The Soldier Rolled Over, With A Voice Soft And Pure, Whispered, "Carry on Santa, It's Christmas Day, All Is Secure."

One Look At My Watch, And I Knew He Was Right "Merry Christmas My Friend, And To All A Good Night." 

Invisibility and Ambiguity.

"The inability to remove or adapt to the threat associated with exposure is based on three issues: environmental invisibility, medical invisibility and diagnostic invisibility.

Environmental Invisibility means that the contaminant (radiation in the present case) cannot be detected through the normal sensory pathways. The nuclear test veteran cannot ascertain if he is in danger because he does not know whether he absorbed radiation, and if he did, how much. If he absorbed radiation, he has no real idea whether or not he is in danger, even the experts cannot agree.

Medical Invisibility refers to the fact that, at some point, radiation exposure is invisible to the person exposed and his medical advisors. For instance, an individual may not become systematic until years after the exposure. A specific form of medical invisibility: Symptoms cannot easily be linked to the exposure.

These invisibilities open up the flood gates of ambiguity and uncertainty. It is not possible for the exposed person to adapt to the situation. There are constant, nagging doubts and concerns, resulting in frustration and CHRONIC STRESS." 

The researchers then explain that those suffering Chronic Stress and frustration develop physical ill health. They listed 23 health problems suffered by the Operation Grapple test group and measured against the control group. Here are some of those findings measured in %...

Cancer                   Test Group 24                       Control 2

Respiratory conditions              24                                  10

Chronic Skin conditions             40                                  12

 The researchers also stated.

"A major difficulty for the NZ nuclear Test Veterans and the NZ Government alike is that the effects of nuclear exposure are far from obvious. This inherent ambiguity highlighted in this present study is most unfortunate, for it is a double edged sword. The exposed men not only suffer distress from the fear of what exposure to nuclear radiation might do to them and their children, but also from the frustration, anger, and bitterness associated with the strong perception of having been "forgotten". However there can be little doubt that the psychological profile of these nuclear test veterans is far from normal. To leave these men with the perceptions they have of there general and physical and mental well being would be highly unsatisfactory.

It is our strong recommendation that:

1)   These veterans be offered assistance to cope with the chronic stress that some of them are experiencing. As long as the situation they find themselves in remains unresolved, stress levels are likely to remain high. There exist a number of useful techniques that could be taught to these men to help them cope with stress. Of course, this recommendation is NOT to be taken as a solution to the problem of compensation. However while the debate continues, it would be in the men's best interest to minimize stress levels.

2)   Given the clear evidence that at least some of the Exposed men are living with a Compromised quality of life (in comparison to Controls and NZ men of similar Age), there is an urgent need to formulate appropriate strategies that address these inequalities."